Things we used to say

(Murphy’s) LAWS OF WARFARE

 1.  You are not a superman.

 2.  If it’s stupid but works, it’s not stupid.

 3.  Don’t look conspicuous — it draws fire (this is why aircraft carriers are called “Bomb Magnets”).

 4.  When in doubt, empty your magazine.

 5.  Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you.

 6.  Never forget that your equipment was made by the lowest bidder.

 7.  If your attack is going really well, it’s an ambush!

 8.  No plan survives the first contact intact.

 9.  Five second grenade fuzes will burn down in three seconds.

10.  Try to look unimportant — the bad guys may be short of ammo.

11.  If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short.

12.  The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.

13.  The important things are always simple.

14.  The simple things are always hard.

15.  The easy way is always mined.

16.  If you’re short of everything except enemy, you’re in combat.

17.  When you’ve secured an area, don’t forget to tell the enemy.

18.  Incoming fire has the right of way.

19.  Friendly fire isn’t!

20.  If the enemy is in range...SO ARE YOU!!

21.  No combat unit has ever passed inspection.

22.  Beer math: 2 beers times 37 men = 49 cases.

23.  Body count math: 2 guerillas + 1 AK-47 + 2 pigs = 30 enemy KIA.

24.  Items that must be together to work usually can not be shipped together.

25.  Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately.

26.  Anything you do can get you shot...including doing nothing.

27.  Tracers work both ways.

28.  The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming “friendly fire” (see #19).

29.  Make it tough for the enemy to get in, and you’ve made it tough for you to get out.

30.  If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take.

31.  When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they’re both right.

32.  Professional soldiers are predictable, but there are just too many damn amateurs!

33.  Murphy was a grunt.


Top 20 Engineers' Terminologies

1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED - We are still pissing in
   the wind.
2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM -
   We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION - We know who to blame.
4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH - It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.
5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED - We are so far behind schedule
   the customer is happy to get it delivered.
6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE - The darn thing blew up
   when we threw the switch.
7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING  - We are so surprised that the
   stupid thing works.
8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED - The only person who
   understood the thing quit.
9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS - It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation
   is about hopeless.
10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT - Forget it!  We have enough problems for now.
11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL - Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.
12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING - We'll listen to what you have to say
    as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.
13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION - I can't wait to hear this bull!
14. SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS - Come into my office, I'm lonely.
15. ALL NEW - Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.
16. RUGGED - Too damn heavy to lift!
17. LIGHTWEIGHT - Lighter than RUGGED.
18. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - One finally worked.
19. ENERGY SAVING - Achieved when the power switch is off.
20. LOW MAINTENANCE - Impossible to fix if broken.


MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE WORDS (Oxymorons)
Military Intelligence
Jumbo shrimp
Air Force all weather fighter
Grand children
Los Angeles air quality
Semi-boneless ham
Relative simplicity
DOD civilian work
Civil servant
Fixed copier
Airline food
Light tank
Extra money
Spare time
Personnel management
Humane Killing
Military judgment
Sanitary landfill
Management science
Man portable
Professional staffing
Effective Army writing
Military Organization
Semi Dynamic
Dedicated aircraft
Intelligent Marine
Painless dentistry
Efficient S-1
Merit raise
Advanced Planning
Smart hockey player
Courtesy inspection
Program management
Engineering Specialist
Staff assistance visit
Simple Arithmetic
Fun run
Pretty ugly

Famous Lies
They're only cold sores.
We're glad to see you.
We're only here to help.
The check is in the mail.
I Love you.
Parts + 30
You can count on me.
Straight ahead you can't miss it.
I'll get right to it.
Trust me.
We're behind you 100%.
He just stepped out.
He'll be right back.
I'll return your call.
It'll be done by COB.
We can make it within cost and on time.
I am telling you this because I love you.
No problem.
We have plenty of money.
You'll only have to do it just this once.
We Know about the problem and are working on it.
We did not lie to you, the truth changed.
All the terminals are free.
Don't worry about that one, it's not very important.
The Army and the Air Force have reached an agreement.
Of course I can read a map.
Your pay will be straight at the end of the month.
There will be a little something extra in your paycheck for the good job you've done.
Give me your number and I'll call you in the morning.


FAMOUS LINES
There we were me and John Wayne knee deep in hand grenade pins. It's a good thing the enemy was only throwing hand grenade pins.

Must be capable of being utilized by soldiers without exceptional psycho-motor skills.

Where hard data was lacking, combat experience and sound military judgment prevailed.